My Alligator Was Kidnapped. Now What? | Life Updates

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Sometimes in life, we come to realize that we’ve had some odd moments happen to us that we never thought to share with another human. As a podcaster, I rarely have this feeling because I talk about everything. But something I’ve come to find over the years is that certain tidbits of other people’s lives that they think is completely boring is actually incredibly fascinating. It reminds me of when people tell me they aren’t funny. It’s not true! Just because you aren’t some high-flyin’ comedian doesn’t mean you don’t make people snort soda out of their nose from laughter.

In short, what I’m saying is if you think you’re a ho-hum, boring person, you are most definitely wrong. To prove this, I focused this episode on some of my recent life updates. I don’t particularly find these stories groundbreaking or life-changing, but I ended up having so much fun sharing these stories that it reminded me that even during a quarantine, or a slow week, or what have you, there are still stories awaiting us around every corner.

Time Stamps

00:00 G’day, mate. I have some weird anecdotes to share with you today.

01:23 HAPPY SNAKE-MATING SEASON!! I’m about to share some recent encounters I had with our tube-sock-reptilian friends.

06:31 I’m acquaintances with an alligator named Gucci. Gucci was recently part of a crime. Teens were involved. A mystery adult was their ring leader. This is his story. *dun dun*

07:46 I read the facts of the crime from an official email I received from my apartment complex.

11:11 Now that Gucci is free, I’m worried that I’m going to step on him in the middle of the night since he now has a vendetta. Fern finds Gucci fascinating and while Fern could totes pull off the adorable three-legged-dog lewk, it’s not a vibe I’m going for.

13:01 I’ve begun a Casual Human Interaction obstacle course to keep my minor socializing skills intact. It’s awkward.

15:30 My latest obstacle course is a horribly laid out grocery store that has cheap peanut butter and fancy beer. I never shop there but I needed the peanut butter and fancy beer. An awkward moment with sliced cheese, respecting private aisle moments, and lots of scurrying.

19:48 Another anxiety of mine is hosting people in my home. Now that I can go to the cheap peanut butter store with the fancy beer, I’m going to start inviting my bitches over.

22:24 Prime Day. The glorious Amazon Prime sale that makes you brag to your friends that you got a toaster for $3 off. My white whale? Shadow boxes for my travel memorabilia. 

24:46 Creative update–I’M WORKING ON THE CHRISTMAS SPECIAL! And it’s going (not so) GREAT! I went to work on it and oops, plotted out my novel for National Novel Writing Month.

28:10 Overall, I’m okay, I’m just stuck in this gross inbetween phase of my life. But it was nice to focus on these weird anecdotes!

29:14 A snake-free outro.

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Email: anguseyetea@gmail.com

I am not a health professional. I am simply someone who was diagnosed with an anxiety and depression disorder. Please talk to your friends, family, teachers, doctor, trusted human, etc. if you need help. I also have a resources page on my website that can direct you to different hotlines, therapy websites, and more at https://anguseyetea.com/resources/