Hey Heifers! Since I am clearly v enlightened and one with the Universe, I took it upon myself to provide you with 30 minutes of relaxation that doesn’t focus AT ALL on the current state of affairs. There are a few times where it pops up due to my stress but on the whole? A totally solid meditation. Well, aside from when my intern interrupts because she’s worried about my mental state. So it’s mostly a government coup-free meditation. Um. Enjoy?
00:00 Since everything has been so stressful lately, I figured we should do a super real, professional, totes legit meditation!
01:23 Welcome to your guided meditation for coups. 🙂
03:35 You are now a bear in a forest. A sassy, extended story begins involving your salmon and an evil canoe of rats. Namaste.
07:30 The rats abandon ship, leaving behind the Rat King they supported for oh-so long.
11:11 Your guide has a breakdown.
11:50 Mmk, let’s try this again. Let’s try numerology!
14:25 Your guide has a vision!
15:45 Um, okay, this still isn’t working, is it? Let’s try another visual: a farmer’s market with peaches!
19:30 A dog from the farmer’s market follows you and demands you give hIM a PEACH.
22:09 This…isn’t going well. Let’s visualize scrolling through Twitter to calm us down.
26:22 Congratulations on reaching the end of your meditation. You should feel SO serene now and not have that pesky coup on your mind. Nope, not at all. Ha ha!