Bipolar has its ups and downs, and today we’re going to talk about the up: manic. I used to cherish my manic episodes. I wasn’t sure what happened, but it was a miracle that my severe depression had broken and I finally was able to get things done, AND do them really well. I had energy! I could clean the whole house. I could get ahead on my projects and hell, start some new ones while I was at it. I was social, witty, funny. My brain was back in action. I drank coffee and it made everything feel even better, so I drank more and more. At some point, the fun ran out and all that was left was anxiety. The same level of go-go-go energy was there, the same sleepless nights, the same brain jumping to a new thought every few seconds.
In this episode, I go through my symptoms of manic and all the confusion that comes with it. Below, I’ve linked previous episodes that either indirectly talked about my bipolar or were recorded when I was or was about to be manic. What fun! Have a lovely week, Heifers.
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00:00 The hype begins.
1:17 Explaining the basics of manic/hypomanic episodes. I’ll be using “manic” as the main term for the remainder of the episode.
3:22 Examples of times I panicked on the podcast, as well as episodes that were directly about me being bipolar but I talked around it because I hadn’t unleashed that revelation yet!
Episodes that were secretly bipolar related:
- Why I Didn’t Settle On My Medication
- How to “Come Out” with a Mental Health Disorder
- The surge of guests in April/Spring of last year
- My ShePodcasts Live 2019 Experience (Anxious Traveler): I stay up late folding laundry, talking about how 2019 is “not my year,” feeling very anxious
- One I didn’t mention in the pod, How to Manage Multiple Creative Projects | this is a cry for help lol
9:21 What are my manic symptoms? First up: talking fast.
12:51 Racing thoughts are fun, aren’t they? SLEEP IS FOR THE WEAK.
15:27 Caffeine abuse and cleaning up my act so I didn’t have to go through another medication change.
19:32 Brain is only on one setting: GO, GO, GO. Which means that once the happy drains away, anxiety picks up and moves at the same speed. Everything becomes explosive.
22:35 Those are my main symptoms, and as a reminder, this would go on for a few days, not just for an hour. I used to wake up and wait for a beat to see what kind of day I would have: happy and joyous? Extremely anxious? Super depressed?
23:33 Why it’s easy to love my manic episodes and how it’s hard to try to quell it.
26:23 Overall feelings of my manic. A question I have to ask myself a lot these days, am I happy and excited? Or am I manic? I don’t always know the answer.
30:13 SHOUT OUT TO MY PATRONS: KT and Oti from For Your Reference pod, Laura, Taylor from Who Knows? pod, Rachel, and Vanessa from Fabled pod!